Some Advice, Part One

Many of my friends are now orphans, Some are not.

One friend has both parents who are still able to live independently for the most part and who are willing to accept more help - but the visit to the lawyer's office hasn't been made.

Another friend has a mother who will not relinquish her grip on her affairs, so her children are left in the lurch, unable to do what they long to do - take care of their mother.

When my mother put me on her bank account years ago, I thought it was silly. Later I was thankful for her foresight. Being a signer on the account meant I could enable auto bill pay for her accounts when she started to forget to pay things and I could keep an eye on the account to make sure the evil boyfriend was not taking financial advantage.

Mom also wasn't afraid to talk about things that some people might find "morbid" - tombstones, caskets, and living wills. One of the first things we did after I moved back to Florida was to drive to Valdosta, GA where she picked out their headstone. She made and paid for her funeral arrangements. (We have a family cemetery, so the burial plot was taken care of.)

The year after my father died, Mom and I watched the PBS series On Our Own Terms with Bill Moyers; we would discuss each episode afterward over the phone. The series opened up dialogue and gave me insight into what she wanted for her end of life care. I highly recommend watching it or at the very least, reading the discussion guide here (requires Adobe Reader): http://www.pbs.org/wnet/onourownterms/community/pdf/discussionguide.pdf

So, my advice?

1. Do. It. Now. Especially if your parents are on board
2. If they're not on board - download the discussion guide above, put on your big girl/boy Underoos and have a talk
3. Get on the bank account
4. Draw up a will; should include a living will  
5. Know what their wishes are regarding medical procedures (see above) AND
6. Have a DNR (do not resuscitate) and a Do Not Treat (they are NOT the same thing) order, if that's what has been agreed upon. All healthcare providers should have copies. If your parent(s) is in an assisted living facility, make sure they have a copy. Some post the DNR over the bed. 
7. Power of attorney (can talk to doctors; make medical/financial decisions): If you're the POA, you'll need a copy of the will (which includes the POA) because you'll be sending it all over creation.
8. Do. It. Now.

I Can Haz Chicken?

While scarfing down some rotisserie chicken from Sam's Club, I looked over and saw this face:

It's blurry because I was laughing so hard. In case you can't tell, that's his tongue sticking out.

Food Truck Rodeo

Yesterday several of us went to the Food Truck Rodeo at Durham's Central Park. Many of the trucks were under the pavilion, a nice alternative to the sweltering sidewalk on a hot sticky day. Wonder if that's why the longest lines were for those trucks...hmmmmm.

Food Truck Rodeo, Foster Street, Durham

We did a preliminary stroll, looking for the Duckfat Tater Tot truck, because those tots are some major goodness (the buffalo chicken slider is damn good too). Alas, our search was in vain.

So good!

We decided on The Sausage Wagon and Chirba Chirba. Chirba Chirba's line was loooooong, so we split up to stand in both lines. I decided on the spicy Italian sausage; they very nicely deleted the peppers from the onions! (green peppers are gross). The mustard was not as spicy as I remember, but still good. We climbed the hill to the park behind the pavilion, just in time for a butterfly bench by Vega Metals to become available, and stuffed our faces with dumplings and sausage while plotting our dessert. 

When Atkins becomes a lifestyle, you blow off certain carbs in exchange for others. As I didn't eat the bun with my sausage, my eye was on the mauve truck containing Sweet Stacey Cakes. Those of us in the relatively short cupcake line were happy we weren't in line for the crepe truck - that line was crazy. 

I choose a Lemon Lavender and a Cheerwine Velvet (their take on red velvet). While I liked the Cheerwine Velvet (ate all of it), I preferred the Lemon Lavender. I am not a big fan of frosting and didn't eat most of it. 

The others headed off to the ice cream line at The Parlour. I wasn't going to get anything, but when I saw the flavours... a scoop each of Salted Caramel and Brown Sugar Peach topped with salted caramel whipped cream. The peach was the best, fresh and just lightly sweet. 

Afterward I felt shaky from all the sugar and too full. If I do it again, I'll get the Lemon cupcake (take off the frosting) and one scoop of the peach ice cream. (in my defense I offered to share both cupcakes and someone else ate 1/2 the lemon - so there.)

Recently I read an article on the food truck movement in Durham; the writer felt it was too trendy, expensive, and a little precious. 

It is hard (and messy) to stand and eat, but it's also a fun way to sample a lot of food, as long as you have time to stand in line - a group is great if you're willing to split up for a bit. (Observation: the only people in line at the Raw Food truck, were young thin white females. Just sayin...) 

Several of the trucks now have store fronts - Only  Burger and Daisy Cakes to name two. I overheard that The Parlour is next, thanks to KickStarter. 

Some rodeo tips: start early, wear comfortable shoes, sunscreen, and bring cash - some of the trucks don't take credit cards. 

The Tattoo Transformation

I've been enamored with tattoos for a long time. It could be the Pict in me and those blood memories. (here's science to back that up!)

During a day in Oakland, my then husband and I passed by a tattoo shop. The tattoo-er and tattoo-ee allowed us to watch the process. (The then husband had a tattoo.) I was fascinated.

When I turned 35, the bug really bit me; I spent the next three years doing impromptu interviews with anyone who had a interesting tattoo, getting recommendations for artists, and visiting tattoo shops. Three years later, when someone gave me $100 and told me to spend it on something I really wanted, I marched off to the local tattoo artist and got a Celtic knot (did you think it would be anything else?) on my back. Later in Ireland, I got some weird tribal design - all I could get for ten pounds. The two were not related in any way design wise and over the years, the knot closed up and the color faded.

FYI - knots and such need to be fairly large and have lots of space, so that they don't close up over time. The Boy's first tattoo is a good example of what to do.

Several years ago I went as a friend's "tat buddy" when she got her first at Dogstar Tattoo in Durham. I had stopped in Dogstar a few years earlier and had not liked the "vibe"; was pleasantly surprised to find it changed. The artist was the owner, Kathryn. I liked her immediately; she's soft spoken and has a very calm, peaceful manner about her. I also liked her ideas on cover-ups for the two tattoos I had.

I made an loose appointment for March 2010 but that date came and went.
Then last July I had a dream about the raven tattoo.
January 2012 I made another appointment, but no-one called me. I made another one in February - and finally got in for a consultation - in April!
I told Kathryn about the dream and went back in May to see the drawing. The design incorporated the raven, (on the right shoulder as the dream instructed), with seven oak leaves, (one of the seven sacred, or Chieftain, trees of the Irish), and three acorns.

Finally, in June 2012, we started!

The old tattoos

We begin with the stencil.

First session - June 18th

Third session - July 16 (second session July 3, worked on leaves on left)

Fourth session - July 30 - two and a half hours!

Final session - August 20

I go back in a couple of months after it's had a chance to fully heal and see if any touch ups are needed.
It was over what was budgeted, but not by much, and really quite the bargain for a piece of original art.
I'm very happy with it.

Bleh

Yeah, that's right. Bleh. I have been in this Crabby MacCrabberston state for what seems like weeks.
And kind of don't care.

Don't you hate it when chirpy people tell you that you shouldn't have a bad attitude? As if that's going to make a difference. Oh, golly gosh, you're right - I'll stop right now. Thanks chipper pal, you're the best!

ugh.

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What's been happening?
Let's start with the cracked fuel line on the car.

Pros:
Happened during the day
Discovered it before all the gas drained out of my tank
No-one threw a lit cigarette at me
It wasn't a hole in the gas tank
Work close to the Toyota dealer who could fix it
Know people who have an extra car and let me borrow extra car overnight

Cons:
Unexpected expense of $231
Found out my power steering is also leaking

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Saw the Cat Lady again last week. I hadn't seen her in awhile, so you know, I made up stuff like maybe she got an apartment. But there she was, on the street behind Home Depot. The cat had just jumped out of the car onto the grass. I wondered if I should stop. But then what? What in the world would I say? She intrigues me and horrifies me at the same time.
Horrifies me in the way homeless and/or sick people do sometimes - where I don't know what to say or where to look or what to do with the fear that threatens to choke me, because maybe it is contagious. (please feel free to insert "I" where appropriate, unless of course you never experience that feeling. If you don't, you are a fantastic person. And are probably now wondering why we're friends.)

In the end I just felt depressed as I drove on past. From my house. To work.

Thought about her the rest of the day.

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We'll end this post with a happy Beach Boys-eque song.

Why I Volunteer At Drag Bingo

About a hundred years ago when I lived in California, a group of us went to dinner the third Saturday of every month. Our ringleader, Marty, gathered up people he liked - smart, funny, talented people (still a mystery how I got in) - mixed us all together, gays, lesbians, and "breeders" alike, and magic happened. There were some hilarious people involved and it was a regular occurrence to have sore ribs the next day from laughing. 



Bill was part of the inner circle and one of the kindest people I've ever known.We instantly connected and took every opportunity to be near each other. We fed each other the most delicious morsels and hung back from the rest of the group to walk together.

Bill had AIDS. It being the late Eighties, miracle drug cocktails hadn't happened yet. You can guess how this story ends. 


I'd like to say that I was there with him holding his hand, being the best friend ever, loving him to the other side. But I couldn't bear to see him wasting away and phoned instead. One time I had a cold and wouldn't visit so as to not compromise his health. In retrospect, that seems a very stupid excuse when someone is dying. Another time I drove to his house only to turn around without going in.


I was a coward.

The years since Bill's death, I have served on committees for AIDS outreach services, walked AIDS walks, served AIDS caregivers and in general tried to redeem myself.

I like to think I'd be braver now.  

The Three P's of Pets

We all know what they are.
Let's say them together - pee, poop, and puke.
God help me. Last night as I went around the house cleaning up after three cats, I wondered just where those studies came from - you know, the ones that SWEAR pet ownership lowers your blood pressure.

First of all, I have a high pee-er (I think it's Lillie). She overshoots the side of the box, juuuuusssstttt enough. So there's that. 
Second of all, Finn is a Manx and they can have what I refer to as "The Feature". Meaning they are prone to intestinal issues, to put it delicately. And it results in what I call chocolate drops and/or skid marks, to put it indelicately. Which I find more of AFTER I've steamed cleaned the floor and put away the steam cleaner.

Anyway, it's still hot. Supposed to break this week. Highs in the 80's. Lows in the upper 60's. What a relief!

What the heck is the deal with Blogger?! And the white space behind some sentences? It's kinda pissing me off.