Some Advice, Part One

Many of my friends are now orphans, Some are not.

One friend has both parents who are still able to live independently for the most part and who are willing to accept more help - but the visit to the lawyer's office hasn't been made.

Another friend has a mother who will not relinquish her grip on her affairs, so her children are left in the lurch, unable to do what they long to do - take care of their mother.

When my mother put me on her bank account years ago, I thought it was silly. Later I was thankful for her foresight. Being a signer on the account meant I could enable auto bill pay for her accounts when she started to forget to pay things and I could keep an eye on the account to make sure the evil boyfriend was not taking financial advantage.

Mom also wasn't afraid to talk about things that some people might find "morbid" - tombstones, caskets, and living wills. One of the first things we did after I moved back to Florida was to drive to Valdosta, GA where she picked out their headstone. She made and paid for her funeral arrangements. (We have a family cemetery, so the burial plot was taken care of.)

The year after my father died, Mom and I watched the PBS series On Our Own Terms with Bill Moyers; we would discuss each episode afterward over the phone. The series opened up dialogue and gave me insight into what she wanted for her end of life care. I highly recommend watching it or at the very least, reading the discussion guide here (requires Adobe Reader): http://www.pbs.org/wnet/onourownterms/community/pdf/discussionguide.pdf

So, my advice?

1. Do. It. Now. Especially if your parents are on board
2. If they're not on board - download the discussion guide above, put on your big girl/boy Underoos and have a talk
3. Get on the bank account
4. Draw up a will; should include a living will  
5. Know what their wishes are regarding medical procedures (see above) AND
6. Have a DNR (do not resuscitate) and a Do Not Treat (they are NOT the same thing) order, if that's what has been agreed upon. All healthcare providers should have copies. If your parent(s) is in an assisted living facility, make sure they have a copy. Some post the DNR over the bed. 
7. Power of attorney (can talk to doctors; make medical/financial decisions): If you're the POA, you'll need a copy of the will (which includes the POA) because you'll be sending it all over creation.
8. Do. It. Now.