Not Last Night, But The Night Before

Twenty-four robbers came knocking at my door.

Well, really it was two weeks ago Friday, and probably only two robbers, but yes, some shithead(s) broke into my house.

I came home around 10:15 PM to find the violation. You know those studies that talk about how unobservant we are - even when we think we are observant? I can testify to the accuracy of them.

It DID feel wrong when I came in the house. The obvious thing was no cat greetings. My gaze swung right; there was Finn sitting petrified under the end table. No sign of the other two. In slow motion, one by one, things popped into consciousness:
The laundry closet door ajar (my first thought - those damn cats!).
The open drawers in the kitchen island (my second thought - that damn Finnbarr!).
The out of place bench that is usually under the kitchen window (my third thought - what kind of skirmish did those blasted cats have!?).
Finally, the substance on top of the now askew bench which my brain languidly identified as broken glass (my fourth thought - did those fucking cats have a kegger?!).
Then and only then did the light bulb come on.

It took until the NEXT DAY for me to realize the biggest key that something was wrong - all the lights were on. So much for observant.

I called the sheriff (911 doesn't work for the county. I mean it works - in that when you call they transfer you to the sheriff's dept.), then Jim and Daphne. Jim made a Wal-mart run for heavy duty tarp and tape, Daphne stayed on the phone with me until the deputy got there (sheriff's dept. didn't). Texted the OSD who promptly called.
The deputy was quite funny and very kind. We discerned the only things missing were a pearl and gold bracelet and a pillowcase (to haul off all the loot presumably). We found Oscar in my bathtub (the extra scary Apocalypse Is HERE NOW hiding place); Lillie was under the guest bed. They were all fine, except for the heart palpitations.

As he left we had a little laugh at my now ironic doormat:

He joked that I needed to move that around back. 

OSD stayed on the phone with me until 3:00 AM my time (he's on the west coast time), which was quite kind. 

Over two weeks later, I still don't have a new window, not completely. They broke the new one as they were installing it. 

That happened.

Maybe Monday. But actually, I'm starting to like the look of tarp...

Classic, no?