Not Last Night, But The Night Before

Twenty-four robbers came knocking at my door.

Well, really it was two weeks ago Friday, and probably only two robbers, but yes, some shithead(s) broke into my house.

I came home around 10:15 PM to find the violation. You know those studies that talk about how unobservant we are - even when we think we are observant? I can testify to the accuracy of them.

It DID feel wrong when I came in the house. The obvious thing was no cat greetings. My gaze swung right; there was Finn sitting petrified under the end table. No sign of the other two. In slow motion, one by one, things popped into consciousness:
The laundry closet door ajar (my first thought - those damn cats!).
The open drawers in the kitchen island (my second thought - that damn Finnbarr!).
The out of place bench that is usually under the kitchen window (my third thought - what kind of skirmish did those blasted cats have!?).
Finally, the substance on top of the now askew bench which my brain languidly identified as broken glass (my fourth thought - did those fucking cats have a kegger?!).
Then and only then did the light bulb come on.

It took until the NEXT DAY for me to realize the biggest key that something was wrong - all the lights were on. So much for observant.

I called the sheriff (911 doesn't work for the county. I mean it works - in that when you call they transfer you to the sheriff's dept.), then Jim and Daphne. Jim made a Wal-mart run for heavy duty tarp and tape, Daphne stayed on the phone with me until the deputy got there (sheriff's dept. didn't). Texted the OSD who promptly called.
The deputy was quite funny and very kind. We discerned the only things missing were a pearl and gold bracelet and a pillowcase (to haul off all the loot presumably). We found Oscar in my bathtub (the extra scary Apocalypse Is HERE NOW hiding place); Lillie was under the guest bed. They were all fine, except for the heart palpitations.

As he left we had a little laugh at my now ironic doormat:

He joked that I needed to move that around back. 

OSD stayed on the phone with me until 3:00 AM my time (he's on the west coast time), which was quite kind. 

Over two weeks later, I still don't have a new window, not completely. They broke the new one as they were installing it. 

That happened.

Maybe Monday. But actually, I'm starting to like the look of tarp...

Classic, no? 

Time Flies

Whether you're having fun or not.

What the heck was so important that I neglected YOU, my dear readers, for another three weeks?!
(Did you even notice I was AWOL? You can be honest.)

Truth is, not a damn thing.

I hereby promise to do better at posting my usual boring fare. You know, the stuff you read to put you to sleep.

So...

Those of you who are regulars here know that I don't normally discuss undergarments, but these are so amazing, I just have to. Underwear by Naomi & Nicole has a sticky portion (I know, it sounds weird, but trust The Sock Monkey on this, okay?) around the legs that glues those knickers to your rear end in a way that 1.) doesn't hurt, 2.) keeps them in place, and 3.) erases VPLs.
They are GENIUS. (Wonderful Edge. Tag line: no ride no lines) (P.S. don't watch the video, it's just the mannequin ass spinning around for 22 seconds.)


The world of dating. Yep. Still doing that. It's almost like its own full time job.
The 31 year old (K.) disappeared for a bit, but he's back. We have not had date #2  yet, but we will, my pretty, oh we will.
Had a second date with another gentleman, let's call him A; very nice, easy to talk to, seemingly normal.
First date was coffee. All good.
Date #2 involved food and, dear Jesu Christo y'all, I HAD TO AVERT MY EYES - because, (oh babies, I can hardly speak of it)... he held the spoon in his fist!
In the deal breaker category, that's damn close to a comb-over (comb overs - just stop that shit. Shave that pate and be proud.). The worst part, besides doing it in the first place, there was no shame. So, we either never see each other again OR we never eat together again. At least nothing that involves spoons... (Nooooooo...not the soup!) Sigh.

In the weight lifting arena, I dead lifted 170 pounds Thursday night, which is ten pounds over my previous personal best. Our darling Barbell Club coach Paul, (who is as hilarious as he is cute), when asked if I was ever going to get past 160 pounds said, "I'm tired of hearing you whine about being stuck at 160. Put some more weight on and do it." And I did. Ten reps worth.
My upper body sadly, is still unworthy of reporting a personal best. I can barely do 40 pounds in an overhead press. My bench press is only slightly better at 70 pounds. And my squats...well, they are basically a non-entity. I do squats with a kettle bell and risers. The dead lift is my crowning glory. That big Scandinavian arse is good for something - ha!

One more thing: we bloggers are a community of sorts and Andrea over at Go Ask Alice is having a hard time. She lost her cat a few months ago, and now her dog Brio is fighting a losing battle with kidney failure. Please think on her and hers kindly.

Here's some old school good stuff:

And this never gets old either:

This and That

This: It's chilly out this morning, 46 according to my temp widget. As I write this at 9:37 AM (EDT), I have socks and a robe on. I am NOT complaining (really, I like cooler weather), merely reporting.

And that: The Chapel Hill Library has completed its revamp. Here's our brick:

Photo courtesy of J. G.

This: Yesterday we had a "Grandma Shower" for one of our own awaiting the arrival of her first grandchild. It's a whole new Hallmark card/wrapping paper/gift genre. We should copyright the idea. 

I highly recommend it; why (you may well ask)? 

Well, alcohol (gin slushies!) is allowed, and there's no food restrictions (except gluten, but that's standard practice with us). Best of all, there's no labor length/pain level / episiotomy competitions. (one of the reasons I've boycotted the regular type baby showers for years) 

And that: Planted some cat grass which the cats LOVE like it's candy. 

How do they repay me for planting said grass for them? By puking on the white carpet in the bedroom. 

Warning: graphic content

This: The winter to summer clothes and shoe swap has been completed. I wore these Born Concept shoes pretty much all winter: 

a.k.a. "man shoes"

They're so comfortable I bought two pair (brown and black). Now when I put on other shoes, my feet say "What the hell is going on?!", even to my previously favored Keen shoes.  

Seriously paring down the shoes because someone recently said I had a lot of shoes (26 pair), which in my brain equals "must purge"! 

It's really not a lot of shoes (I know someone who has over 100 pair), when you consider some are dress, some are strictly summer (sandals) or winter (boots). But it did put it into my head that being attached to shoes that are not comfortable or that I didn't wear at least once last year are O.U.T.
See? Even my purge oriented brain needs a reminder from time to time.

And finally, that: We haven't had any music lately. Here's Blue Hawaii "Try to Be":

Right Now

I dislike all my cats.

Each one of them does something annoying:
Lillie never shuts up, Finn scratches the furniture - in spite of a vast array of scratching posts (horizontal and vertical) in every damn room, and Oscar tears holes in sheets and blankets. Just now I found a triangular tear in my silk comforter. Errrrrgggghhhhhhh!

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In other news, I FINALLY have an appointment with Kathryn at Dogstar Tattoo. In April.
I just threw away copies of Scandinavian knot work - the curse of the purger. I have to have a raven on my right shoulder blade because of a dream. I wrote about the dream in a post on my other blog, but I can't find it now.
Wait...here it is, from July 2011, further back than I remembered.

Every since I was a young whippersnapper, I wished I'd find a baby crow or raven so I could raise it. It turns out that it's my birth month totem.
Get out!

Weekly Roundup

First, let me 'splain about the whole email blog post thingy.

Following me does not mean you will get the posts, it just means you like me and I like that. It makes me happy to see all those little square faces to my left. And it's important to keep The Sock Monkey Hat happy!

To get the posts automatically you have to do one (only one) of these things (starting with biggest pain in ass factor):
- Bookmark the site and remember to check it every day (okay, every week), 
- Sell your soul one more time Sign up for Google Reader and add this blog to your subscriptions
- Add your email address in the space marked "Email address" under the title of the blog (see it? very faint gray writing in a white box), then click the SUBMIT button alllllll the way to the right of the white box.

Hope this helps.

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Oscar spotted him a Yellow Shafted Flicker this morning.

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Two people I know had their appendixes out last week and both of them had a bit of a scare because of it.
My darling niece was medi-vacced from Juneau to Seattle because of hers. They are both on the mend now though. Whew!

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Invited into the inner Drag Queen circle last night (which was our first anniversary of volunteering). We were asked to join The Queens for a drink after Drag Bingo. Seriously exciting.

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I had a norovirus (milder version, but still ewwww) on Tuesday and lost 6 lbs. in one day. Thanks for helping me over that plateau  I'd been hovering on for weeks. Haven't wanted to eat anything but tuna salad since. Weird.

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